INSANITY Do Not Read This
by Draith
Summary: This is the cure for insomnia. Honest. Read this at 2am, and you will wish you just went to bed like the nice litte sheepses told you to... R
1. Cure For Insomnia

Disclaimer:  I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho... or anything therein.  I do not own Taco Bell, and their little dog, too.  I do not own El Gwapo, SouoftheSavior does.  He's insane.  I don't own the Afflack duck... AFFLACK does... duh.  Most of this came from an IM conversation Pierce and I had… that's scary, ne?  So I have to give half-credit to her, since it is due, and otherwise she'd glaymore me into who-knows-what!  Oh, and I quoted "Surf Ninjas"... so see if you're all smart and know where!

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     *as the reader enters, Draith can be seen sitting with a circle of sheep, all baa-ing and seeming to be discussing something rather important*

     Draith:  See sheepses?  I TOLD you it would work... My powers are beyond all stoppage ability now!  Mwa ha!  I told you, taking control of the cloning factory was the best thing...  You didn't believe me... now there's 200 of you where one stood last...  Poor Sam... where IS he anyways...

     *all of the sheep baa*

     Draith:  Oh, yes, of course, ALL of you ARE sam!!  *giggles insanely, and starts putting numbers on the sheep's backs, as they file past her and towards a darkened doorway*  Go, my sheep!  Go confuse the people trying to sleep!  Bwa hahaha!!  With these repeated numbers, and fractions, and decimal numbers with repeating places, they shall NEVER rest!!  My evil plan is unthwartable!!  MWA HAHAHA *cough*, Mwa ha *gag*  Mwa *choke*...  ha.

     *looks up to see reader*  You REALLY don't listen do you... I distinctly said, "Don't read this."  But, noo-ooo!!  You!  You little beast! You entered!!  Baa!  Baa I say!!!  *all the sheep run away towards the doorway*  Do your deeds, sheepses!!!

     For I, your founder and wondrous cloner-thing-person-or something, shall now punish these horrible listeners with a bout of the most random insanity that makes absolutely no coherent sense even when played backwards on a sit-and-spin with a chicken squawking the words to 'Ave Maria"!!  

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You HAVE been warned....

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     Draith runs down the hall... and jumps into a big bright glowy portal thinger.  "You'll never catch meeeee!!!!"  She disappears, and when she does, the reader - that's YOU kids - is frozen in place, and can only SEE HEAR AND .. smell?  what's going on, but cannot move, or touch, or for the love of Bob TASTE what's going on.  

     I mean, come on, TASTE?!  What kind of fic do you think this is?!?!?!  

     Draith appears out of the portal in a white padded room.  She looks around, and nods her approval.  "Purrrfect starting grounds!  Now for some entertainment!"  She pushes a panel in the wall, and suddenly Pierce appears, falling from a hole in the ceiling that honestly wasn't there a minute ago.

     Pierce thumps on the floor, face down.  She gets up with an oof-ing sound, and glares at Draith.  "Halfling, there had better be a bloody darn well absolutely wonderfully AWESOME reason for this, I was taking a NAP, chikuso!!"  She makes a face at Draith that could scare the elderly.  Or, anyone.

     Draith chuckles, and points at the reader - still you, folks - and laughs maniacally.  "I've got them, Pierce!  I've really got them!  They're here! They are reading!  It's 2am!  Or SHOULD be, as I told them not to read it, but said if they DID it has to be two a-"  Draith stops talking as Pierce's fist has made a mysterious type of contact with her face.  Well, perhaps not THAT mysterious.

     "Shut it, Draith."  Pierce looks at the reader.  "So.... what are your plans?  And when in the four winds of time-travel did you come up with THIS place?"

     Draith gets up.  "Well..."  she says, tottering on her feet a bit.  "I suppose I should bring at least one Yu Yu Hakusho character in soon, or else they're going to yell at me for not writing fan fiction, only messing with their minds..."  she scratches her head in annoyance.  

     Pierce sighs.  "Must I do EVERYTHING myself, halfling?"  She walks over, and presses on a spot on the wall, and Hiei and Kurama suddenly materialize into the room.  "Hey, they materialize, and I fell from the sky?  How is THAT fair?!"

     Draith looks at the now angry Fae, "Eh heh... Hi boys!"  She waves enthusiastically at the newly arrived bishis.  

     Kurama looks at her, and smiles.  "Hello, Draith-chan.  Nice to see you again.  Glad to see you are having fun, and writing again... what's it about this time?"

     Hiei looks around.  "Hn."

     Draith giggles.  "Well, it's about... INSANITY!!!"  She runs over and glomps Kurama.  

     Pierce sees this, and sighs, walking over the pry the girl from the poor fox.  "Don't glomp the bishis, Draith... TORTURE THEM!!"  An evil gleam appears in Pierce's eyes as she says this, and she uses her glaymore on Hiei and Kurama.

     Hiei looks down and, to his horror, discovers that he is now clad in a pink prom-style dress.  "Onna!  How DARE you!!"  He snarls at Pierce.  "You WILL pay if you do not turn this back IMMEDIATELY!"

     Draith giggles.  "Wow, Hiei!  A whole sentence and a half, and not one hn!  I'm so proud!"  She hugs him... then quickly backs away as she is nearly sliced and diced six ways from Sunday by Hiei's pretty katana.

     Kurama yells.  Yes, he yells.  He _can_ yell.  "PIERCE!  WHY would you DO this?!  I already have too many people mistaking me for a girl!"  To his absolute terror, Kurama has been fitted with a nice little black dress...  and looks all too good in it.  

     Pierce giggles.  "Because it's FUN!"  She proceeds to chuckle as the boys try to get the dresses off, only to realize glaymore doesn't WORK that way, and they can actually touch the material.  "See? You couldn't get them off if you had a pack of wild dogs attack you!"

     As if on cue, a pack of wild dogs runs towards, around, and then past them, yelping and barking.  Draith watches, looking shocked.  Pierce's eyes widen. "Whoa... weird..." Pierce says.

     Draith shrugs.

     Following, er, chasing rather, the wild dogs is a small pack of rather large hyenas... lead by a particularly menacing looking hyena with... a... bandanna?

     "El Gwapo?" Pierce asks as he approaches.  

      The hyenas yell - and, of course we all know that Hyenas speak in Spanish accents... that will help -  "Run little pig-dogs!  El Gwapo rules!!"  This all takes place in about 5 seconds, and the ground shakes after all of the canine creatures have passed.  Suddenly, the big bandanna-wearing leader returns to stand, salute, and say, "Yo quiero Taco Bell!"

      Pierce giggles.  "Hasta la taco!" she yells back, giving the peace sign.

      Before leaving, the Hyena winks at them all, saying, "Vote El Gwapo for senator!"  He then runs off, yipping.  

     Kurama and Hiei both have amazingly shocked looks on their faces.  They turn to look at Draith accusingly.

     Draith sees this, and mistakes it for attention.  "Hey, I got two bishis lookin' at me, he- no, wait!  It's not MY fault!  I thought this void was clear, HONEST!  There were no hyena raids scheduled when I checked last!"

     Hiei scowls. "Of course it is your fault, pitiful halfling.  It is always your fault."

     Draith starts to cry.

     Kurama puts a comforting arm on her shoulder.  "Now Hiei, look what you've done, you've made her cry!"

     Suddenly a tiny Chihuahua comes running up, looks at everyone, looks at the cloud of hyena dust that still lingers, and angrily responds to El Gwapo's words of wisdom.  "That's MY line, man!"  He spits on the ground in front of Hiei, nearly getting himself sliced for dinner, and start moving away, yelling, "Come back here, Gwapo, y besa mi pollo!"  He runs off after the hyena pack, amazingly carrying a chicken for El Gwapo to kiss.  

     Kurama gets majorly freaked out, and walks over to the one wall, finding an all-to-convenient telephone sitting there.  He makes sure no one's watching, and begins to dial a number, hoping for a way out.

     Pierce spots him, and throws a dagger, expertly hitting the wall right beside the fox boy's head.  "Hey, you!  No using the phone!  Phone bad!  Phone evil!  Phone terrible!"

     Even as she says this, a telephone runs - how? - by, chanting an evil mantra.

     Pierce draws her other dagger, and Hiei unsheathes his pretty katana, both prepared to fight even an insidious telephone to the death.  "Ack!" Pierce yells.

     But the phone keeps on going... A duck follows shortly after, saying, "Afflack!  Afflack!  Evil telephone!!  Afflack!! Afflack!!!" and keeps waddling after the telephone.    Both run into the fading sunset that appears, and get burned.  Cuz, you know, the sun's hot...

     Hiei stares at this in near fear.  "What in the hells in this place, onna?" he looks at Pierce curiously.

     Draith runs, skips, jumps, and hops over just in front of Hiei.  She grins at him, a grin that would freak the living daylights out of any self-respecting brooding fire demon, or the elderly, they should fear her too.  "It's the room of the randomly insane happenings, Hiei!  We love you!  Come see us again soon!"  She proceeds to hop around the room on a natural - really, it's 'natural' - high... shouting off random insane things.

     "Oh!  Later today! Later today!  The sun will come out... later today!  But your bottom penny, that's… later today!" she sings, still bouncing.

     Kurama watches her, amused, until he gets struck by the author bug, and is suddenly forced beyond his will to sing along.  "Later today, later today, I love ya, later today, you're only an hour away!!"

     Hiei looks at Kurama like he's lost his mind.  Then he also gets stung by the insanity bug, and starts doing cartwheels and summersaults around the room, WHILE holding his pretty katana with one hand, and WHILE STILL being glamored in a prom-style DRESS!  Talented little fire demon.  Until he hurts his hand.  Which he doesn't.  Yet.  But he may.  If you watch long enough.  

     El Gwapo runs across their view once again, running the other direction, spitting out chicken feathers as he goes.  "Malo pollo!" he spits.  He then starts muttering... though no one can understand what he says.

     Kurama and Draith keep singing about later today, which won't be sunnier, because we just saw a fading sunset, but don't tell them that, shh!  Or they might send the sheepses after you with their pretty little numbers!

     Hiei continues doing gymnastic stunts around the room, until he lands on his own sword, and slices himself nastily.  "Kuso!" he yells.  See?  You should never play with knives, children. Because money can't BUY knives.  

    Pierce watches this all, wide-eyed and bushy tai--- er, well… wide-eyed anyways.  She wonders if this El Gwapo character has been sent by the pixies to further loosen her grip on sanity.

   The Chihuahua runs by again, the chicken, minus a few feathers, is on his back.  "See mano?  I TOLD you, you would kiss my chicken!!  Always trust a Chihuahua!"

   Pierce reverts to her small form, and goes to fly away....  FAR away.

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Draith:  Mwa hahaha!! They believed me!! They did, they did!  And those who didn't shall be burned at high tide on the grass stake, holding the jello pudding pops close to themselves, though it will do no good!  The blue monkeys have SPOKEN!!  You now know the awesome truth of the dairy mustard!  Fruit!  Fruit, I tell you, Fruit!  It shall be your downfall!!  

Next chapter, look for more insane fun, the duck returns, thunder speaks... and....  Ale?  Oh no…. don't give demons FAE ALE!!!  

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Ok, those of you who didn't catch it... "Money can't buy knives" was the quote from "Surf Ninjas," and I don't own it, so THERE!!  Hmph.  Please review, and tell me if I put you to sleep, scared you out of your wits, made you hate me, or anything...  and tell me if you want the next chapter!!

-Draith


	2. Another Night Of Sheep

     I will respond to one Review....   Jetliger14:   Read my profile.  I do not, nor will I EVER write yaoi.  And you know what, a story does not need that to "start to resemble a fan fiction."  I do not need to prove anything to you, this is my own attempt at insanity, and I will not lower myself to the level of yaoi writing to do it.  If you can't handle that, then do not read it.  I can't control you.  But don't complain about my story not being yaoi.  I don't go telling yaoi authors to write non-yaoi fics.  I would expect the same measure of respect from you.   

     And to everyone else, just because Pierce glaymored them in dresses... doesn't mean they're gay.  They are not.  Kurama's dress isn't THAT short... sheesh... there are KIDS on FF.net... no need to give them IDEAS in their heads, that's not what their heads are for!  They're for INSANITY!!.. And bowling balls.. Did I type that?  heehee... anyways...

     A beginning note:  The Chihuahua and El Gwapo translations:   "..y besa mi pollo" means, "and kiss my chicken."  Hence, the chicken that was being kissed...  We all know "Yo quiero Taco Bell!" means, "I want Taco Bell"... 'mano' was El Gwapo's Spanish-accenty version of 'man', or something, though he originally said, "main", but that's just SouloftheSavior's spelling... so is Gwapo, as those who know spanish know the word is spelled... "GUAPO".  Go read his insane IM conversation, really!  It's on the net, after all... I think it's www.tonybullard.com , but I could be wrong...  "malo pollo"  means, literally, bad chicken, or evil chicken.  'guapo' means handsome, so 'El Gwapo' (when spelled RIGHT) means, the handsome.  or, the handsome man... 'hast la taco'.... INTENTIONALLY horrible grammar.  that one's a long story, it's sort of maybe kinda able to translate as, 'see you at the taco'.... but not quite.  I think that was it....

     Oh, and a note on glaymore... it's a thing that Fae/Fey/Fairies have.  It's a kind of magic that can change the appearance of an object or person, though not changing the actual thing.  If you are still confused, email Pierce, or look it up on the net, there's LOTS of sites.

     Disclaimer:  I don't own the magnificently awesome radiant etc Yu Yu Hakusho or its lovely characters, Yoshihiro Togashi does. *bows at creator's feet in praise*  Ahem... I STILL don't own the Afflack duck, or El Gwapo, or Taco Bell and its little doggie too... or, either, I think.   I do not own the COB.  Adult swim does... well, technically not, as it just means, "Cable Operator's Break" but they said it, so I don't claim it.  I don't own Ben Affleck either... don't ask.. yet.  Nor do I own Monty Python.  I just quote it...a lot... or a little... or never... we'll see!  I also forgot to say I don't own, "Tomorrow" or something from "Annie" or something... yeah, I don't.

     Oh yeah, I don't own Pierce.  She owns herself.  So she thinks... I really think Hiei owns her, but that's an entirely different point... and a whole 'nother story... which I may even write... Tell me if you want to hear it!  

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     And here are the poll results for whether or not I should continue this fic!  These results are based entirely on the votes I found in reviews.  Well, the reviews submitted by the voices in my head anyway...  Too bad they don't have access to computers, otherwise I'd have a nice number of reviews right about now, eh?  What's that, Head Voice #1?  I DO have a nice number of reviews?  *goes to look*  So I do!  How about that!

     Well, here they are:

                56%:     YES

                30%      NO

                14%     WE LIKE CHEESE

     Uhm... that was NOT an option, 14%!  I don't know what's up with the head voices these days, they just don't behave like they used to!  Oh well, most said yes, so here goes!  Onward, MARCH!  The ants go marching to the Loo, hurrah... (Oh come on, I don't own that EITHER!)  JELL-OOOO!!!

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     It begins... again... uhm, can it really begin, again?  That's a second beginning... that means there's more than one, and it's really only a continuation, right?  Yes.  Good.  We thought so.  Glad we're on the same page.

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     *as the reader returns from last night's episode, Draith is once again sitting with a circle of now familiar looking sheep-type-things....*

     Draith:  Excellent, EXCELLENT!  I have trained you well, Sam, Sam, and 198 more Sams!!!  You have kept countless readers awake this night, and you shall be rewarded!!  *hands out treats to all the pretty white sheepses that surround her once again in the room*

     *the sheepses collectively baa*

     Draith:  Watch, my cottony minions, as I dole out another dose of night-terror worthy insanity!  Wee!! Look at me, I'm FLYING!!  

     *the sheep watch in awe, as Draith continues to sit on the floor... decidedly NOT flying*

     Draith:   *finally notices the returned readers - you, remember? - watching her*  HEY!!  No! You're reading again!  How DARE you!  I was just finishing my efforts with my special flock, and now you interrupt me?!  *curses at the readers in Elvish*  Feh! 

     *the sheepses collectively baa*

     Draith:  Run, sheepses!  Go disrupt more peoples's precious sleep!  They don't deserve rest, they need to count mismatched sheepses!  Go, my fine wooly fiends!  Make a random chaotic mess of yourselves, and make sure no one ever sleeps again!!!

     *the sheepses collectively baa, and scramble, and stampede towards the darkened doorway, while Draith jumps into the swirly portal of light and such things*

     Draith:  You'll still never catch meeeee!!!

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     Again, the reader is placed in a position to see and hear, and possible smell the action... we're still unsure about that last one, folks.  I mean, hey, we haven't come across any distinct... smells... yet... Anyways.  Now, everyone remember where we parked?  Good.

     Kurama and Draith were last seen singing a deranged version of little orphan Annie's classic, "Tomorrow"...  They're done now, honest.  You can take out the earplugs, they weren't THAT bad!

     Hiei was doing stunts... until he hurt his hand.  Which he finally did.  He's in pain.  But he's not saying anything.  That's Hiei for you.  He better not stain that dress with blood, by the Bob, it's a rental!

     Oh, and Pierce had flown off.  Yes, flown.  As a tiny little fairie.  She can do that.  We don't think it's fair either.  She goes to hide, as even though she's insane as the day is purple, she can't take the craziness one more minute.  While there… she starts sipping on some LiveWire… which can have an odd effect on non-humans…

     Hiei sits down, to re-wrap the bandages around his arm so that he can cover the cut.  "Kuso author... making me do cartwheels...  Hn."  He finishes his work... looking a bit pouty.  He looks over at Kurama and Draith, who are now just talking.  He smirks evilly, and removes the cloth that sits over his Jagan, preparing to make them hit themselves or each other through his mind control.

     But just as he was about to do so, he is tackled side-ways by a crazy-eyed looking Fae, who proceeds to glomp him, excitedly.  "HIEI!"  Pierce yells as she latches onto him tightly.  

     "Get OFF me, baka onna!" Hiei growls, trying hard just to breathe, let alone pry the now crazy fan-girl-ish Pierce off of him.  This looks REALLY odd due to the prom dress...

     Suddenly the duck comes back... minus all of its feathers.  "Afflack!" it yells.  

     Draith looks over at the duck, grinning, and runs over closer to it so she can talk to it.  Kurama, on an imaginary author-made tether to Draith, is forced to follow.  

     "Affleck!"

     Draith listens.  "What's that duckie?"

     "Affleck!" the duck repeats.

     Pierce still won't let Hiei go.

     Draith shakes her head.  "Duckie, you s'posed to say 'Afflack'!"

     The duck stops.  It turns to Draith.  It points to the limo following him.  "AFFLECK!"

     Draith looks behind the duck at the limo, and Ben Affleck rolls down the window of the car's back seat.  He calls out, "Hey, Duckboy... MOVE!!!"

     Pierce is still clutching the suffocating fire demon.

     Ben watches Pierce.  A weird look crosses his face.  He yells something to his limo driver, and the driver turns the limo around, quick-fast, like a bunny on speed, and off they go.  

     Pierce is oblivious to all goings on around her, as she happily glomps Hiei, whose face is getting redder by the minute.  "C-can't breathe...." Hiei chokes out.  He gasps.  He wheezes.

     The duck, confused now, goes over to Piece, and, amazingly as ducks should not be able to do this, glomps her.  "Quack!"

     Kurama and Draith watch this all in amusement.

     Pierce looks up mid-glomp in surprise.  The duck backs off, in fear of Pierce's reaction.  Pierce gets a logical thought, and realizes she probably should not be hugging a guy THIS tight... and lets go.   She backs away, blushing profusely.  She looks gratefully at the duck.

     "Quack!"

     Pierce stutters out an apology.  "G..Gomen Hiei-sama."

     Hiei draws his pretty katana and looks quite ummm for lack of a better word.... IRKED.

     Pierce decides NOT to glomp the most easily annoyed of her favorite bishis next time and backs away slowly the stand by Draith.  "Hey Draith.... that NEVER happened," she says.

     Draith looks at scenario before her.  She pats the duck on the head.  Draith looks at El Gwapo limping in the distance.

     The duck says, "Quack!"

     Hiei looks about to dispose of our unlikely heroes ...or authors as we like the call them... and the duck, who is in the wrong place at the wrong time.

     The duck senses this conflict.  He respectively bows, and runs of saying, "Affleck!!"

     Hiei fumes and sheathes his pretty katana.

     Pierce immediately feels guilty, and reverses the glaymore, which places the poor boys back in the regular, boy-looking clothing that they HAD been wearing before.

     Draith and Kurama are unsettled and a bit disturbed by Pierce's actions. 

     Pierce coughs into her hand, and shuffles her feet.  "Well... LOOK at him... he just screams GLOMP me!"

     Draith, having not heard Hiei say such things, looks confused.  As does Kurama, who is simply watching the duck, too afraid to look at anything else, at the moment.

     "Well... fine, it's not MY fault you creators make you do darn kawaii!"

     Draith gets worried and starts backing away slowly, towards the nearby shrubbery.  Shrubbery?  Oh well, author powers in an author-controlled room really have their way, don't they?  

      Suddenly, however, the shrubbery that was to be her savior is taken by men in old English armor.  They exclaim that the have fulfilled the "Knights'" request.  They then scurry off.

      Pierce looks bewildered and grateful for the distractions from her wierd actions.  Hiei looks wide-eyed, hardly daring to believe he just saw what he just saw... as he did see it.  Honest... he's not blind, the boy HAS three eyes!   Draith looks back, confused that she now has nowhere to run.  

      Kurama looks back finally.  He sees them all looking oddly.  "What's going on?"

     Pierce stares at Kurama for several seconds...and promptly glomps him.

     Draith watches in detached amusement.  That is, until Pierce does not let go very quickly, and the tall bishi collapses to the ground in a crumpled heap. 

     Draith quickly dives to his side, and, tilting his head back, listens for air.  "He's not breathing!"  She quickly bends down, and applies CPR... or, well, more like kisses him, really, I mean, aren't you supposed to use your FINGERS for a throat sweep?  Hn... 

~~~

Pierce:  Stop the music!  Hold the presses!!  Baka!  You can't say that word, this is PG for Bob's sake!!  I don't know WHAT you are thinking, halfling...

Draith:  What?  You're insane, you know that?  You can say kiss in PG!!

Pierce:  Oh, NOW you've done it!  No you CAN'T!!  You have to use an alternative word, so the kiddies in the audience *she waves to the invisible kids*  don't know what we're talking about, and we don't get SUED for having material that's above their age-level!  

Draith:  Oh... uhm... how about "spar"?  Does that work?  I mean, a good kiss is sort of like sparring, what with-

Pierce:  *yells*  DRAITH!!!  Stop describing it!!  Just use the baka word!!!  *hangs head in hands*

~~~

     And so Draith "spars" with Kurama... who at some point comes back to the living, or, breathing world, as he wasn't really choking to begin with, he had merely fainted.  Convenient, yes?  We thought so.  Who's we, you ask?  We don't know...

     Pierce sighs in disgust.

     Hiei sees the two.  He groans.  "Oh great..." He notices that they don't stop... and now are just sparring for the sake of sparring.  "If they're going to mak-  er, ki-, er, SPAR," he growls as he realizes that he is being censored by the authors, "Damn authors... If they're going to just do THAT, I need reinforcements..." Being a misbehaving, rebellious little fire youkai, Hiei walks over to one of the walls.  He searches for a panel.  _Somewhere....Ah!_  He smirks as he finds what he was looking for.  

     Pierce yells at him.  "Hiei, don't even try it!"  But before she could even finish her sentence, Hiei smirked again, and pressed the panel down, which then glowed with an eerie blue glow... a bit like the nozzle of a fire extinguisher, when you push it into a massive can of peanut butter... not that we'd know or anything.  Just… if you do… don't, under any circumstances--

     The panel stops glowing, and all is still silent, with nothing else happening.  Hiei swears.  "It didn't work.  Halfling, your room is defective!"  He looks over at Draith, who didn't hear him, as she and Kurama are still "sparring"...  "Ugh."

     "It's not defective, just delayed!" said an ethereal voice from somewhere in the ceiling area of the room.  Pierce and Hiei look up, trying to see where the voice came from.  But, instead of the good reinforcements Hiei had been hoping for, a girl floated down from the ceiling on a wooden oar, giggling.  

     "What?  BOTAN?  What in the hells are you doing here?" Hiei scowls up at the ferry girl.  "I was expecting Yuusuke..."

     Botan giggles again, and reaches the floor, hopping off the oar and putting it away.  "Well I don't know about Yuusuke, but I felt the strangest urge to visit this place just now...." 

     Hiei sighed.  At least maybe this would get the fox away from that insane author... But Hiei's hopes were dashed... dashed like so many oysters washed up against a floating space ship in the middle of the sea.  For Botan looked over at Kurama, and didn't seem phased by his "sparring" with Draith.  She even giggled...  "Hn... Why aren't you mad at that?"

     Pierce looked at Botan, then the other two.  "Yeah, why not?  I mean, I thought you two were going out or something..."

     "Oh, no... We were, but we've been broken up for a while.  I mean, he's been dating Yukina since..." she stopped suddenly, clamping a hand over her mouth.

     Hiei stared at her.  Silently.  Well, until he spoke.  Which would be NOW by the way.  Here it is... "WHAT!?"

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Draith:  *looks up from the sheepses*  Oops, I'm sorry, did I leave off on a cliffhanger?  *laughs maniacally*  These sheepses will soon finish their work... MWA HAHA!!  And I shall rule the night, I shall!!! No one will sleep! They will be up reading my fic!!  

*the sheepses collectively baa*

Draith:  Yes, I suppose they already ARE reading it, yes?  Ha, mission one accomplished, Sam!  and Sam... and Sam,.... and little fluffy Sam, and little plump Sam, and... *she continues to name all 200 Sams, using a different adjective for each one... even though they all look exactly alike, being clones*  Mwa ha ha *cough* ha!  heh...  

Next chapter,  Botan's in trouble... slashy-slashy... the promised Bar scene... sorry Pierce....and.. MORE 

INSANITY!  * gets yelled at *  Ok, ok, geez!  I don't own "LiveWire" either!  Sheesh….

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Alright... that's it you guys!!!  Sorry I didn't get to the Fae Ale... I WILL, honest!!  Tell me if this was even worthy of FF, or the last chappy you all liked...  did I keep you up again?  o.O  REVIEW!!

Oh, and one lucky winner, who can answer THIS question, gets to, uhm... claim a random prize from me!  Mwa haha!!  Here's the question:

What is Kurama's Mother's name?

There you go.... first person to answer, gets my random prize!!

-Draith


	3. In Livewire We Trust?

Note:  "Hasta la taco" was INTENTIONAL bad grammar, so if you thought of yelling at me because there's no "at" and it's "el taco,"  DON'T!  *sigh * It's just a joke, people, sheesh!

     OH! The contest, before I forget....  Ok, the first person to answer, I think spelled it wrong, as it's Shiori.  But, then I wondered if it's only technically Shuuichi's mom, and someone said THAT, and then I got confused, so now I think everyone who answered correctly (including the first girl who said "Shori")  Get the prize!!!  Here it is!!  

     *Hands them each a shiny new penny* Don't spend it all in one place, now!!!

     Again, one review response... I'm so damn lazy.  Keaira:  Thank you for your defense.  Also, I mean absolutely NO disrespect to authors who choose to include yaoi in their stories.  I have read some awesome stories on here, that the only thing I didn't like was the inclusion of yaoi.  It is not the writers I have a problem with, yaoi goes against my beliefs, and I don't think the characters are gay anyways.  That statement did come across wrong, as I can tell by your reaction.  When I said lower myself to yaoi writing, I meant to the inclusion of something so dead-set against my beliefs.  Not to say that anyone's writing is beneath me or my own.  I do not claim to be a wonderful high authoress, or even a good one.  I am merely a person doing what I do, writing what I write.  I apologize if I offended anyone in that statement, I know you write yaoi, and I was not trying to speak against any authors...  merely content that I do not find acceptable for myself to read.  That is my belief.  I was not meaning to refer to it as an inferior style of writing, I was referring to it as a PART of writing that I simply do not do, and think is wrong.  Again, I am not calling any author inferior, or their style inferior.  Yaoi is not a style, in my opinion.  It is content, and plot, etc.  I don't see it inferior... People write it just as wonderfully as people who don't... I just believe they are wrong in thinking that way, that's all.  And that is my own opinion to hold.  Write what you wish, so far, it's a free country last I checked.  Thanks for reading!  ^__^ To quote Vash the Stampede (who I also don't own), "LOVE AND PEACE!"

     Alright, I'm finished my long rant now... story time, you say?  Thought so....

     I must apologize first... as that last chapter started to have a plotline... *hiss*  No!!!  Ack!!  Must...make...it...stop!!!  No plots allowed! This is random insanity, I say... NO PLOT!! MWA HAHAHA!!

     BTW, the notes with Pierce talking?  Those author spots in the ~~~  ~~~ things?  She never said any of that.. heehee I made it up.. because I'm ME! and I'M the dang author!! MWA HAHAHA!!!

     Oh, who's the "We" in the story you ask?  No one really knows.  Not really Pierce and Draith, they just keep watch… And if we DID know, we wouldn't tell you anyways.  That's because we're authors. Yep.  It's our prerogative… * start to sing*  Oh God I'm old….

     Disclaimer:  I don't own any of the junk in here... I'm writing this before I write the fic, and who KNOWS what I'll put in, so keep in mind I own NOTHING!!!  Nothing I say!  Except Draith... for Draith is me, and I own myself, honest.  James doesn't have a claim on me.  O.O  I mean... NO ONE has a claim on me!  GO on, READ the thing, chikuso!!   .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     *Draith is... you know, can we start ONE darn chapter where Draith is NOT sitting with a circle of sheepses?!  No?  Oh... well, ok then... she is.. fine! ::grumbles::*

     Draith:  Yes!  Sheepses!  My cottony minions! You have done super uber fantasik!  Ich mag Sie!  Alle Sie!!  Ich wiess nicht was ich sag...  sag ich Deutsche?!  Ja!!  Ack!!  No!  Sheepses, what have you DONE to me?!

     Head Sheepses...Sheeps...SHEEP thing, Sam The First:  We have stolen your mind, oh Author Formerly Known as The Mighty Draith-chan.  We are now the Sheep of Perpetual Awakedness!  Never shall you or the world sleep again!  ATTACK!!!

     *the sheepses collectively baa and roar in sheepish ferocity*

     Draith:  No!  Sam, what are you doing?!  I made you!  I maaaaaaadeee  yooouuuu!!!

     *But Draith can speak no more, as she is trampled by the now-stampeding sheepses, led by Sam the First.  Draith shall soon be no more, if no action is taken...*

     Draith:  No!!!  Sheepses!!! You DO realize, if I am no more... there can be no more story?!?!

     *the sheepses, who didn't seem to think this through BEFORE charging and trampling their authoress-creator-type-gal, stop where they are, and collectively baa in confusion*

     Sam The First:  Oh... right... heehee... BAA!  Retreat!! BAA!! Retreat, sheepses, RETREAT!!!

     *all of the sheepses retreat away from Draith... oh, and collectively baa as well*

     Draith:  ack.... ow... oh.. eee.... eeek!...pppoaaah!!...whoa....ppssjhhj....mmmmahh!!....oooof...

     *Thus, after the sound of 200 sheep stepping OFF of the poor authoress, the story continues, while our poor bard attempts to live long enough to finish off the insanity....*

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     I don't think I even have to tell you anymore... you're watching, right?  What?!  What in the seven hells do you MEAN you're not WATCHING?!  What do you  think you are DOING HERE?!  *sigh*  Will you WATCH LISTEN AND SMELL now?!  I think you can smell now... I'm not sure... Is that really a good thing anyhow?  I guess you'll find out...

     Hiei glares at Kurama over as he "spars" with Draith.  He starts to march over to where they are, only before he comes within 20 feet of them, a herd of wild elephants stampedes by.  I mean really, why would a herd of TAME elephants stampede by?  Why should we be forced to say "wild" when we all KNOW they had to be wild?!  Just a thought, kids... 

     This startles the sparring two, and they immediately - who knows WHAT possessed them to do so -each hop onto the back of a galloping packaderm and ride off into the sunset.

~~~

Pierce:  Isn't it NIGHTTIME by now, halfling?

Draith:  Oh, so it is...  Ok, they ride off into the fading dusk.

Pierce:  I said NIGHT, baka.. NIGHT!!!

Draith:  Fine, fine... picky author...

Pierce:  Darn right.

~~~

     So off they ride, into the NIGHT, as I've been so forced to say...  Hiei and Pierce and Botan - yes she's still there... duh, baka... - look at the herd and disappearing pair with wide eyes.  O.O  Yep, just like that... honest.  At last, right as the last elephanty thing is passing by, Hiei gets the bright idea to follow them, and hops up onto the back of a small elephant.

     Pierce and Botan are too curious to let everyone else go, so they hop on as well...  "GOULASH!!"  Sorry, Pierce is still on Livewire, and it's affecting her brain waves...  Pierce sits on the elephant and pets her bottle of Livewire lovingly.  "Yes, precious... Mine... My own... MY precious Livewire!"  she says over, and over, and over AGAIN to the bottle... that can't hear her anyways... oh well.

     Botan giggles, and flies up above the herd on her oar.  "Look at meeeeee!! I'm FLYING!" she yells.

     Pierce looks at her suspiciously.  "Hey!  Did you drink Livewire too?!"

     Botan looks at her, shocked. "Pierce, why ever would you say such a thing?  I am the Toad of Faucet Town, mind you, I take no trinkets from Shoes that are the likes of YOU!"

     o.O  Yes, o.O.  That's Pierce's expression... for about two seconds as she immediately cackles insanely and gulps down more Livewire.  "Princess WhittleFoot will taste my totem pole!  Mwa hahaha!"  No one really knows what she meant... even us... strange.

     Up ahead, Hiei is watching Kurama through murderous eyes.  Three of them in fact.  He nearly falls off his elephant, though, as all the beasts in the herd suddenly stop at a red light.  They wait while herds of goats, wallabys, gophers, and nomads cross the other way.  Then the light turns green, and off they go again.  _"What in the hells is WRONG with this place?!" he thinks.___

_     Hiei... I can hear you!  I'm the author, silly!!  It comes from my demented mind!!  _thus Draith begins to ramble on about ponies, and blue skies in Shermanville under the desk lamp from Prague.  *nod, nod*

     The herd of elephanty animally thingers stops again, only to disappear entirely.  The riders are all flumped  - honest, it's a word... look it up! - to the ground in a most rough and unmannerly...uh, manner.  Only Botan escapes, because, as we've mentioned folks, she's riding on her oar...Did she KNOW this would happen?  Yes, we think it's a conspiracy between Botan and the kitchen sink too... It's a tweezer alliance, I tell you, a tweezer alliance!!!  *cough*

     Everyone sits on the ground.  Except Pierce, who gets up and starts yelling random insane stuff while soaring high on her Livewire… high.  "Whooo!  Weeee!!" she giggles. "Oh! It's fun to smell the rain in the MOOOOORNING!"  However, it can be noted, as you the reader CAN INDEED smell the story, the only scent in the air is NOT in fact rain, but the pungent odor that only a herd of Elephants can leave behind...

     ……………..

     That's right, the smell of waffles.

     Suddenly, a TV runs by... on little short legs that move very fast, its cord flying out behind it.  The only thing showing on its blackened screen is the word 

"COB"

      in white block letters.   Pierce, Hiei, Draith, Kurama, and Botan all look at the tv in shock.  Hiei tries to slice it in half with his pretty katana, but, as the elephants did, it disappears into thick air.  Pierce starts yelling that Armageddon is coming, and hides behind a magically appearing window shade.  (side note, she ACTUALLY did this is "real" life...)

     Another TV runs by of its own accord.  With a cord.  Ha, pun.  Ahem.  It also merely says 

"COB" 

     on it's screen...  Kurama looks at it, thinking.  "Perhaps it is some type of message?"

     Botan giggles.  "No, silly... if it were a message, it would be written on the calamine lotion carried by the forklift through the sands of Brigadoon!" she waves away his silly suggestion.

     All raise their eyebrows at Botan.

     But before they can comment, one last TV runs by... it says, in the same way, 

"COB COB COBBITY COB"  

     And then disappears before Hiei's pretty katana can slice it's circuits clean through.

     "I definitely think there was a message."  Kurama says.

     Hiei stares at the fox, finally remembering his anger, and puts his hand on his sword hilt.  "Kurama... you kissed my sister... prepare... to die."

~~~

Pierce:  DRAITH!!  it happened AGAIN!!! Someone said the "K" word!!

Draith:  Will you CHILL OUT?!  Sheesh... you'd think you were afraid of fluff...

Pierce:  O.O  I do not FEAR fluff... it's just.. the... the kids!  They can't read it!

Draith:  Yeh, right, we all know you are afraid... BWA HAHA!  

Pierce:  O.O

~~~

     Hiei suddenly stops, and it looks like he and his line are being magically rewound, all quick-fast.. like a bunny.  But not an evil one... a cute and furry one...just to spite O Short Evil Hiei-sama... heehee.  He then is reset, and speaks.  "Kurama... you sparred with my sister… prepare… to die."

     Pierce thinks about this.  "Actually, the ferry girl, also known as Princess WhittleFoot, said he DATED her, so there was lotsa spar-sparring going on, eh?"  She winks, nods, and nudges Kurama, who looks bewildered that Pierce would SAY such a thing.

     "Pierce, what are you SAYING?" Kurama looks nervous... his normally calm exterior broken down by the fear that Hiei will kill him...

     Hiei looks incredibly, viciously, dangerously, ferociously P.O.ed.  He charges at Kurama, and tries to slice him and dice him.  He thinks he succeeds...

     However, when everyone looks and expects to see something kiddies shouldn't even THINK about, there's nothing... absolutely nothing where Kurama was standing.  Draith sighs at them all.  "Good citizens of Confusedtownville City.  Don't you realize you can't KILL anyone on this show?!  Hiei!  No murders!  Kurama is safe now... I sent him far away."  She looks smug.  "Author Powers!"

     Pierce looks smug as well.  She gets out her Livewire bottle.  "See, Hiei?  HA! You are powerless, you can't even KILL anyone!! Bwa hahaha!"  She sticks her tongue out at the fire demon, and drinks some more of her Livewire.

     Draith chuckles.  "Oh, don't stick your tongue out, unless you intend to USE it, Pierce!!"  She giggles, and suddenly Hiei puts his pretty katana away, walks over to Pierce, and proves why this is true...

     After, both of them glare at Draith.  "Hey," she says, "Author powers ROCK!"  She grins.  They scowl.  And yell.  And look far too mad to just stand there...  Draith senses this conflict, and runs... fast...far... etc.

     Oh, look... Hiei can run faster...  isn't that odd, now?  But wait... he stops... and suddenly bursts into song...

     "Yankee Doodle who'd have thunk, Yankee Doodle Dandy...Yankee Doodle got real drunk on just one pint of Brandy!   Yankee Doodle we found out, Yankee Doodle Dandy...Yankee Doodle chickened out when dared to hit on Sandy!   Yankee Doodle what a case,  Yankee Doodle Dandy... Yankee Doodle has a taste for others' pre-chewed candy!   Yankee Doodle what a lecher!, Yankee Doodle Dandy... Yankee Doodle, yep, you betcha, he's always been quite randy!   Yankee Doodle don't be sad, Yankee Doodle Dandy... Yankee Doodle, though you're bad, you've always come in handy!"  he then looks WAY confused, and stares off into space wondering what happened to his peaceful existence with the purple trout from Kalamazoo...

     Purple trout from Kalamazoo?

     Pierce giggles at Hiei's song.  "I know! I know!  You sparred with me... now YOU'RE  high on LiveWire too!!!  WEEE!!!"  she yells and starts dancing about flinging handfuls of sand into the air.  Then she throws sand at Hiei.  This isn't smart...

     Hiei looks over at Pierce.  "Et tu, brute?"  

     Pierce looks at him, and in all seriousness, replies.  "Monkey see, monkey do?"

     Hiei nods.  And, it is decided.  They shall head to a bar.

     Draith yells. "Hey!  I didn't say you could go to a bar!!  I'M THE AUTHORESS IN CHARGE HERE!!"

     Pierce smirks deviously.  "Not anymore, you aren't!"

~~~

Draith:  Uhm, Pierce... do you really think a bar scene is appropriate for the youngsters?

Pierce:  Ok, you know what... I give it up.  This is insanity, it's written at 4am, why should kids even be reading it?  I don't CARE anymore! I'm in charge now, or something, and I say, BAR SCENE!!

Draith:  o.O  Oh, uhm, ok... sure... whatever you say, Pierce.

~~~

     And so Hiei, Pierce, Botan, and Draith head off to a bar.  Three of them are high.  Or, we THINK Botan is.  But we always wondered about her anyways... didn't you?  Thought so.  

     The troop of four enters the front of a nice Irish-looking tavern.  None of them seem to wonder how they got from a white padded room to an Irish tavern.  It's not important.  We all love ale.  Ale good.  Normalcy bad.  Teach the children.  But not to drink.  That's against the law.  Just to be weird.  Cause that's ok.  We think...

     Hiei takes a seat at the bar, and yells at the tender behind the counter.  "Red rum, red rum!  Yo-ho-ho!  Get me a drink, or die instead... oh."  Ah, the first of many horrible rhymes by our favorite fire demon.  Even high he has no poetic ability.  *takes on mocking tone*  Cuz he pursues STRENGTH he has no time for our trivial...  Uhm, anyways...

     The tender gets him a pint of Livewire.  This appears to be the special of the day.  Hiei downs the pint in one gulp.  "The moles are coming, Pierce... you had better sit and spin and shake the llama before it storms the castle again."  Hiei then orders another pint of the horrible high-making drink.

     It begins to rain.  Indoors.

     "Oh goodness, RAIN?!"  Botan shrieks, as she just did her hair, and the rain will most certainly turn it to putty in her hands.  Who says blue hair was ever REALLY natural...  And somewhere, Koto laughs, knowing she was right...  

     Pierce watches, amused, and hands Botan a drink.  "Here!"  It is not Livewire, however, and is actually nice, strong, ever-so-tasty Fae Ale.  Botan drinks it down.

    Hiei snarls rabidly.  "ET TU BRUTE!!?!?"  He grabs at the mug and, seeing it empty, he goes to the tap and refills it.  He drinks it.  

     Draith has run off.  Yes, run off.  It seems the bartender and owner of the tavern was in fact Celeb, her ex-husband.  Don't ask.  We don't like to talk about it.  Draith doesn't either, as she's off "sparring" with HIM now... guess they weren't so ex-ish after all...

     Pierce watches in strained-to-the-limits amusement as Hiei and Botan walk to the Karaoke machine that Pierce suddenly made appear with her newfound Authoress Powers.  The Kangaroos on the bar stools clap in beat and rhythm to music that doesn't exist.  The wallabys that ran by before are all on the tables and chairs, cheering the two on.

     Hiei and Botan prepare to sing...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     *Draith looks at the screen in horror*

     Draith:  What the heck?!  Who took over my wonderful story?!  NO!!  PIERCE!! You can't have it!! I am the Authoress Power Nazi!  NO POWER FOR YOU!  *sighs*

     *Sam The First comes to stand by Draith, with his 199 sheepses of fury*

Sam The First:  Give it baaaaa-up.  There's no turning back.  The story has gone beyond insane.  Baaaa-live with it!  For we shall make sure no one sleeps as lone as the sheepses rule!!

     *his 199 sheepses collectively baa*

      Draith:  NOOOO!!!

I have no clue what the next chapter will entail... honest, I don't... will there BE another?  o.O

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Oh!  *looks at those who received pennies*  Hey, don't look so glum!  A penny is a wonderful thing.  A penny shaved is a penny spurned... or so I'm told.  *nod, nod*

     Heehee... feel cheated?  *hands each of them a t-shirt that says, "I read all of Draith's fic so far, guessed her stupid question, and all I got was a stupid penny... and this shirt.  Monkey see, Monkey do."*  There!  Wear it with pride!!  *grins and giggles*

     Also, side note… that little Yanky Doodle song?  I don't own Yanky Doodle… but I wrote that all by myself! * looks proud*  

REVIEW!!!

-Draith


	4. Créme brûlée!

     I didn't think it was possible, but my reviewers are getting more insane than ME.  Hn… this cannot be so.  Therefore, I shall take that insanity, shake it, mash it, beat it, twist it, and add some spice, and VOILA!  My next chapter will thusly be MORE insane (hopefully) and even better!  You ARE still wearing your T-shirts I gave you… RIGHT?! * Glares pointedly at you all*  

     My token one review response:  Angel Red Flame:  Of course you can say kiss in PG… *shrugs * it was for effect… a joke… insanity?  Yeah. That.  Also, yes, you are correct… the cob, and its 'cob cob cobbity cob' associates were indeed borrowed from Adult Swim and their lovely black and white letter cards.  I had mentioned this in one of my disclaimers, but since you brought it up, I figured I should make it clear.  ^__^  

Thanks to everyone who reviewed!!

     Disclaimer:  I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.  I don't own any other copyrighted things… that's what "copyright" MEANS.  I own Sam, I own my sheepses, and Pierce is her own self, though I've borrowed her essence for this fiction.  …Essence?  Wow, that sounds weird.  Ok, I borrowed her.  Plain and simple.  The R.A.L. has been taken from an old inside joke, and so I must give credit to Jessie, as it was her ingenious insanity that first created the wonderful flying, glowing, baa-ing R.A.L.  Ok, if I say one more thing I DON'T own, it'll give the whole thing away.  I OWN NOTHING!!!  All right then, on with it!  March!  HUP! 2, 3, 4… HUP! 2, 3, 4…

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     Draith is… for once… NOT sitting in a circle of sheepses, for her wonderful sheepses of awesomatic doom have abandoned her for the heliocentric leadership of the aristocratic Sam the First.  

     And so, Sam has formed his woolly army, able to trample whole tomatoes in a single romp.  He has formed these fluffly invaders into his "Bored" Collective; each sheepsie outfitted with a fluffy cottony implant that connects him/her directly to the mind of San the First!  

     However, there is one sheepsie who has forsaken the way of the First, and defected.  Wandering the dangerous path back to Draith, his way led him too close to a Nuclear Power Plant.  Unfortunately, this poor loyal lambie was washed in radioactive goo.  This was lucky in some ways, as it severed his link to the other sheepses' "Bored" Collective.  And so, this brave little sheepsie, who did indeed survive this peril, has become now, R.A.L., Radio Active Lamb.  

     He is a wanderer.  A rogue lamb.  That's right… Rogue lamb.  We're sorry… we're so sorry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          I believe it was last Hiei and Botan starting to sing, yes?  Oh, THIS will be interesting...

     Suddenly, helped by Pierce's glaymore powers, Botan and Hiei are visually transformed into Sonny and Cher outfits, as they are about to begin their duet.  Pierce giggles to herself in complete amusement.  Draith comes back from the back room, and spots the two at the Karaoke place.  She stares, wide-eyed.  For Botan is dressed as Sonny, and Hiei is outfitted with a shiny sequined Cher-ish pantsuit, and LONG black hair down his back.  Cocking her head to one side and thinking that the suit really shows off Hiei's legs, Draith takes a seat in a barstool next to Pierce to watch the show.

     Pierce has ordered a plate of dumplings, and is eating one.  She suddenly stops.  "Oh no!  I think this dumpling's still alive!"  Insert sound effect here Moo.  "See!  It's still alive!"  She pokes at the dumpling a little as Draith watches, eyebrow raised.  "Poor little guy, and I stabbed him!"  Pierce holds up the offending fork.  She starts pushing her fingers on the dumpling.  "Breathe, little guy, Breathe!  Someone knows CPR, right??"  

     A random tavern freeloader walks over, raising his hand.  "I do." 

     Pierce looks up.  "Oh thank you, random tavern free-loader!! Please, help my dumpling!  He's still alive, and I've stabbed him!"   The random tavern freeloader begins CPR on Pierce's dumpling.  "I feel like a cannibal!  I've betrayed my dumpling roots!"

     As Pierce receives her dumpling back from the random tavern freeloader, and holds it carefully, patting its dumpling head reassuringly, Hiei and Botan have already begun to sing, in perfect tune and sounding amazingly like the pair they are impersonating…

     "They say our love won't pay the rent, before it's earned our money's often spent…"

     "Well I don't know, if all that's true, but you've got me, and baby I've got you…"

     And on and on it goes… each taking a part in the song and singing it out, looking at each other as Sonny and Cher often do while singing.  All of the wallabies and kangaroos are clearly enjoying the song, the kangaroos are still clapping in a weird odd not even close to accurate and fitting beat.  

     As Hiei and Botan are just finishing up the last round or so of the "I've Got You Babe" song, a bang is heard from the rafters of the suddenly now very high vaulted ceiling over that area of the bar.  Looking up, the wallabies see that there's an upright piano on its way down to fall right on Hiei and Botan's heads!  The wallabies try to shout out and tell them of the danger, but, as only wallabies tend to speak wallaby, no one can understand the noises that they are making.  

     Botan mistakes them for being disruptive, and shushes at them to be quiet.  They get louder as the piano comes closer, amazingly in a bit of slow motion.  Hiei just keeps on singing, and Botan finally ignores the small woodland creatures.

     Finally, piano only a couple meters above their heads, one wallaby gets a light bulb of an idea, which actually appears over his little wallaby head, and shouts out one word.  "HN!!"  The others look at him as if he's crazy.

     However, immediately Hiei looks up and, gathering his energy, he reaches an arm up and punches the piano with a fireball around his fist.  The piano bursts into flames, exploding all over the room.  Botan has just finished the song, so everyone wildly cheers and claps for the amazing pyrotechnics that closed off their performance.  They both bow to their adoring audience, reveling in the praise they're getting.  After Botan realizes what happened, and that Hiei had just saved their lives, she throws her arms around his neck, hugging him tight.  "Thank you, dear prospector!  I thought for sure we were goners!!"

     To everyone's shock, after finishing his own, Hiei hugs her back.  However, this could be merely because Hiei's a bit of a hentai little fire demon at times.  He is shocked, however, when Botan pulls him back a little and looks at him, then ki- err, spars with him, quite, well, for lack of a better word, aggressively.  Everyone stares, wide-eyed.  Then the kangaroos clap and start boxing with each other.  The wallabies seem to enjoy the show.  Draith giggles.

     Pierce, however, not in the LEAST bit sober, gapes at the two, Hiei now responding in kind…  She stands up at the bar, looking irked beyond belief.  She finishes her drink and yells, "Hey!  Ferry Girl!  Get your hands OFF him!  He's MINE!!"  Another patron starts to point out that Botan's hands weren't all of the worries at the moment, and thusly that other patron gets, well, violently injured as he becomes intimately acquainted with Pierce's daggers.  Finished with her outburst on the poor now pinned-to-the-wall-by-his-shirt man, she stomps over and viciously shoves Botan away from Hiei.  "THERE!  Don't you ever TOUCH him again!"  She seethes at the blue haired girl who now is on the floor, looking rather startled.  

~~~

Pierce:  O__O What… in the seven levels of fae hell…. Is happening to my story?!

Draith:  ^__^ I had one cheat card left from being in charge, and I just used it!  So there.

Pierce:  Oh, you little, little, LITTLE halfling.  You are SO paying for this later!!!

Draith:  Whatever you say, Pierce…

~~~

     Hiei looks a bit lost.   And confused.  And… inspired?   He sings, to the tune of a well-known song the authoress cannot name for fear of having to type up MORE disclaimers… "Milk that cow, cuz she's six weeks overdue, and I'm thinking… if we don't milk her now, she's gonna explode!"  

     Pierce looks at him.  "Conspiratorial cows, then, half-pint?"  

     Hiei blinks at her then nods.  He looks at himself and Botan.  "Onna… change us back."

     Pierce chuckles.  "No! This is much more fun!"   She does change Botan back, however, leaving Hiei dressed up as Cher while the rest of the tavern returns to their drinks, saddened that the act has come to an end.  "Hmm…"  Pierce thinks for a moment then captures Hiei in a see-through box, just big enough for him to move in, small enough to be cramped. 

     Everyone in the bar laughs.  

     Pierce uses her newly acquired authoress powers to bring back Kurama so he can see the poor little Hiei stuck in the box.  Kurama looks at Hiei and chuckles as well.   He gets glared at.

     Pierce is downright giggling.  "Yes, hello? I'd like to order a medium Hiei-in-a-box, please!"  Now taking on a different sounding voice, "I'm sorry, ma'am, they only come in SMALL!"  She bursts into fiffles.   Fiffles?!  That MUST be a typo…  One surely cannot simply burst into something that doesn't exist.  Fiffles do NOT exist.  Spell-check says so.  And spell-check is ALWAYS right.  Honest.  Spel chekker iz awlwayz rite.  

     After enjoying the fun for a few more minutes, Pierce lets Hiei out of the box.  He scowls at her.  Then he looks at Kurama.  He glares.  Pierce realizes her mistake in bringing the fox back to an angry Hiei.  Kurama realizes this as well, and runs out the door of the tavern…  Everyone thus runs after him quickly, leaving the bar with everyone yelling "BYE!!" after them.  

     Outside, Kurama runs into a garden.  He quickly disappears from view.  Hiei leaps in the garden after Kurama.  He hacks away at the plants and foliage with his pretty katana, yelling as he goes.  "Oh come out and fight me like a man, yah pansies!" said as he sliced through a patch of, yes, that's right, pansies.

     Suddenly, a gerbil jumps out of the garden, landing right on Hiei's face, and holding on for dear life.  He chitters at Hiei as the fire demon tries to pry the little rodent off, to no avail.  "Get it off!" he screams.  Hiei drops his katana, now running about madly flailing his arms, yelling about being mobbed by a rodent like creature thing.  

     Kurama takes this as a sign that he's off the hook, and comes out of the garden, picking up Hiei's pretty katana, and taking it.  He walks over to where Hiei has sat down on a stump, trying to stay calm while the gerbil is still quite attached to his face.  "Alright Hiei… I will remove the gerbil, on one condition."

     Hiei growls.  "What is that, fox?  You and your conditions… You should have shampoos, they sound better and get your words cleaner for the mile, you know."

     Botan, Pierce and Draith giggle at Hiei's complete insanity.

     Kurama sighs.  "If I remove the gerbil, you have to promise to stop trying to kill me."

     Hiei is silent for a moment, then, as the gerbil chitters and leaves a safari gift on Hiei's cloak, he agrees.  The gerbil is carefully removed from Hiei's face, and set free to go frolic in the garden happily with his little gerbil friends and family.  "Hn."  Hiei gets up, and takes his pretty katana from Kurama, though sheathing it in its scabbard instead of Kurama.  

     "I'm so glad you two are getting along!"  Botan grins at them.  "I was afraid I'd have to just hit you over the head with my oar of DOOM, Hiei."  She giggles and twirls around a few times before stopping, looking quite dizzy.  

     Just as they were getting ready to be on their way to who knows where for who knows what, the duck comes back, stops, and starts rattling off, "Afflack"s upon "Afflack"s.  Pierce and Hiei listen intently.  The duck finally finishes his rant, and looks up at the two expectantly.

     Hiei snorts.  "That's no great revelation, you aquatic fool!" He then walks away to drink more fae ale/Livewire mix.  

     Pierce rolls her eyes at Hiei.  "Ignore the paranormal goat boy, Duckie… So, what is it you're trying to say again?"  She looks perplexed.  She squats down low so she can look the duck in the eyes, and avoid the flying bats of doom that are buzzing above her head.  She tries hard to listen to the duck and not to Hiei singing not too far away.

     "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedle-dee.  There they are all…"

     The duck responds with more "Afflacks"s and a few "Affleck"s.  Pierce's eyes widen, and she shakes her head.  "Bad Duckie, that's insane troll logic!"

     "Affleck, Afflack, Afflack, AFFLECK!!"

     The limo returns, and Ben leans out the window, shakes his fist at Pierce and the duck, and yells, "Damn you and your troll logic!" then speeds off.  Good… he SHOULD be off speed.  One should never be ON speed.  We authors think that's bad for you.  Drugs are bad.  Just say No.  

     Pierce grabs the Livewire bottle that's in Hiei's pocket.  Hiei looks at her calmly.  "Pierce… would you kindly get out of my pants?"

     Draith giggles.  "Yeah, don't you know no means no??"

     Pierce's jaw drops.  She promptly kills them all.

~~~

Draith:  NO!! What are you DOING?!

Pierce:  Well she SHOULD!  I mean SERIOUSLY! Who SAYS THAT?!

Draith:  …Butch did…

Pierce:  -__- FINE.  Rewind, and Pierce DIDN'T kill them all… baka.

~~~

     Pierce gets the Livewire out of Hiei's pan- err, pocket rather quickly, petting it lovingly again.  "My precious Livewire… They tried to take you from us, yes, precious, they did… But you're safe now!"  She takes a big gulp.  

     All of the sudden, dozens of penguins appear out of nowhere.  You'd think people would be used to this random magical-ish sudden materialization of objects and beings by now, but NOOOO!  Humph.  The penguins form a circle-type thing around the five.  Each birdie is holding a bottle of fae ale…

     They begin to chant… "Doo-Bee Doo-Bee Doo!"  They continue chanting even as Hiei covers his ears and begs to hear no more.  Yes, no typhoon, he begged.  Oh, what's that? It's "typo"?  Oh… my, this is awkward…

     Just as Hiei was about to cry in headache-y torture, the penguins go POOF! and disappear into thick air.  However, replaced in their stead, is a single monkey.  They all stare at the monkey, who is dressed in flowing green robes, and a tall green floppy-looking hat.  His hands are clasped in front of him, as if he is politely waiting for something.

     Botan takes the opportunity to speak up.  "Uhm… hi there, little monkity fellow!  I'm Botan, and these here are Kurama, Hiei, Pierce, and Draith.  What's your name?"  She said it all politely, as ever Botan does, but the monkey scoffs at her as if she were speaking baby talk to an adult.

     The monkey eyes them all before… speaking?   "I am the Blessed Sacred Monkey of the Inflatable Cheese.  Bow.   Now.  …Brown cow."  

     They all stare at the monkey with wide eyes.  O__O  ß wide eyes… get it?  See?  Then look at each other, and Kurama shrugs, gesturing to the monkey.  "Well, I guess we should… can't get any weirder, right?"  Oh you poor, poor, deluded kitsune…

     However, they all take Kurama's advice, as he's supposed to be the smart one of the bunch, and bow to the Blessed Sacred Monkey of the Inflatable Cheese.  The monkey seems very pleased.  "I shall now lead you onward in your quest."

     Pierce speaks up this time.  "Uh, monkey dude?  We have no quest… Though I do know the air-speed velocity of an unladed swallow!"  

     Hiei looks at her after drinking more of his hidden mixage.  "Onna that made absolutely no sense."  Look who's talking, short-stuff…

     "Matters it not!  You shall follow ME now."  The monkey then turns, and hops onto a magically appearing moped, and heads off towards the blankness that is the horizon.   They all follow him, naturally, until he stops… at a fruit and vegetable stand… filled with, you guessed it, fruits and vegetables.   The monkey chitters wildly, and all the fruits and vegetables yell in return.  The monkey turns back to the five visitors.  "Welcome… oh lowlier than vegetables visitors… to the Church of the Holy Cabbage… Lettuce pray!"

     As the fruits and vegetables all folds their hands and begin to chant softly to themselves, Hiei looks at them and does NOT remember any fruit or vegetable EVER being able to TALK… So he promptly takes out his pretty katana.  "They must be rotten…" He then chops them up, as they scream in horror.  Wow, that's rather violent.  

     Wait… it's just fruits and vegetables, people, really!

     Now that there's fruit and tossed salad all over the table, the remains of the fruits and vegetables strewn all over, several little fluffly sheepses walk up and eat all the chopped-up greens and things.  As Draith hides behind Kurama, the sheepses finish eating and go on their merry way, not even noticing their archenemy.  

     "Phew!"  Draith lets go of Kurama, relieved.

     The Blessed Sacred Monkey of the Inflatable Cheese seems a bit irate.  "How could you destroy my loyal followers?!  Now I have nothing!  NOTHING!!"  The monkey breaks down into sobs.  Horrible sobs.  Like, we're talking huge, loud, pitiful, "Mommy I don't WANNA go to school today, they'll beat me up and take my lunch money and stomp on my bag and give me a swirly and then just point and laugh at me as my hair sticks up from the toilet water!" sobs.  Or close enough anyways.

     Hiei feels badly for the deprived monkey, an amazing emotion, as Hiei never takes pity on something so trivial.  He then dons a chef's hat, and begins tossing fruits and vegetables about, seeming to be making something quick fast like a bunny…  Hiei bunny?  Oh, that's a funny image…

     After several minutes of careful concentration and fruit/vegetable flinging, Hiei presents a plate to the Blessed Sacred Monkey of the Inflatable Cheese, who has finally stopped sobbing to look at his gift.  Hiei grins proudly.  "Crème brû-lée!" he exclaims.  

     Kurama, Botan, Pierce and Draith all yell at once, "Crème brû-lée?!" sounding incredibly incredulous.  

     Hiei looks at them all.  "…What?" he says, sounding all cute and innocent.   Aww.

     The duck quacks.  

     Haha, you forgot he was still there, didn't you?  DIDN'T YOU?!  

     Hiei downs another hidden bottle of his fae ale and Livewire mix, and begins to march in place.  "The duck!  "The duck flies at midnight!  The duck flies at midnight!"  (Even though it's still evening.)  Then he starts prancing about them all (yes prancing) and yelling at the top of his lungs on and on about how ducks shouldn't at night because they can't see, and it's dangerous with all of those cannons that shoot bricks at the walls of turpentine.  (…What?)  Ignore it, he's high.  (Oh, right, carry on.)  I will.  (Fine.)  Good.  (Do it.)  I will, baka!  (Don't insult me, you dolt!)  Hey!

~~~

Pierce:  Draith… will you PLEASE stop arguing with the parenthetical people!!

Draith:  B-but, she called me a dolt!

Pierce:  Let it go, halfling, let it go.

Draith:  Humph.

~~~

     "THE DUCK FLIES AT MIDNIGHT!"  (It's going to be a long day…)  SHUT UP!  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Off in the distance, Draith sees one lone lambie, with Pierce at its side.  It appears that RAL has found Pierce, and decided to protect her as well from the evil diabolical "Bored" Collective that Sam the First has created.

     Now these three have bonded together, to form a force so unstoppable, not even Liquid Plunger could unclog THIS drain!!  Oh yes… they are clogged.  

     The reign of Sam the First… is soon to be thrown down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Well now, what did you think of THAT?!  I know it took longer than forever to get out, but was it worth it at least?  I had to update SOMETHING, for fear that the turtle jelly bean lymph node thingies would yell at me to go back to pruning their hedges… and no one wants that.  Ok, enough nonsense.  For now.

Review!!

     Oh, if you want a character of your very own to be in this story, request in your review!  I'll pick one person to add to the insanity soon!  You can give me a name and other details if I pick you, but other than that, I'll have control of your character… So it's kind of like signing over your soul to the devil.  Only, it's not your soul, just a made-up character in a story.

     Oh, yeah, silly me, and I'm not the devil.  * Smiles sweetly* Most likely one of the first requests will be picked, so think fast and review!

Crème brû-lée!!

-Draith


	5. Someone's Been Sleeping In My oops I mea...

**Ok, here's the deal, just to let you know…. **

     **Portal-Girl** has won the draft, and will feature her character Jess in the story.  The new addition won't appear for at least another chapter or two, so no one go telling the yams on me when sprocket doesn't see a wing from the engine when you next read, ok?  Good.  And I was worried there'd be misunderstanding silly newtons, they always get the cake feathered with the arch dukes, and then there's the whole anarchy mess to clean up with the Spoons of Cleveland… (They're quite fickle).

     I have made progress on random insanity for a new chapter, but plot is heavily laden like soup bowls in my head, so the rather boring plodding *air quotes* "normal" fics are getting updated more than this.  Is this fair?  Does insanity deserve a backseat to a platypus?? 

   O.O  …I've said too much.  .  .  ….Hn…. I can't be certain this conversation isn't being tapped.  I must regroup, and maintain radio silence while the dirty wet pigeons perform their ballet, and meet you at the rendezvous chapter yet to come!

…  _ _ _  …    

-Draith (who apparently is being followed by a walrus! Roar!) 


End file.
